T h e   B a c k   P o r c h   ~  Not for Women Only

It's About Women welcomes articles from the opposite sex, in our case, you men. Investigating the differences in how men and women act, react, and communicate is always intriguing, and often surprising. By sharing your male perspectives on women and issues related to women, you can perhaps aid in helping women to understand where men are coming from and how we are so different in many ways.

Below is excerpted material from a book by John Gray that may give you some thoughts to ponder on these differences.

John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, believes that difficulties in relationships between a man and a woman lie in a lack of understanding and acceptance of the differences between the two sexes.

Some may feel that Gray's Mars-Venus model stereotypes both men and women. But the author feels that the book portrays men or women in neither a good or nor a bad light, but in true light. It may make men or women sound like a good or bad deal to their partners, but it's the only deal we get. At any rate, acknowledgment and acceptance of gender difference is key.

As depicted in Gray's book, here are some of the differences he notes between men and women.

• Men like to help women by fixing problems.
• Women like to help men by improving men.
• Men do not like women's attempt to improve them. They feel humiliated.
• Fixing problems for them is not what women want the most from men.
• When men are down, they want women's loving acceptance, not their criticism and unsolicited advice. Men want to be trusted and admired.
• When women are down, they like to talk about their problems. They want men to be sympathetic listeners, not necessarily offer solutions to their problems.
• Men are goal-oriented problems solvers.
• Women have a need to talk about their feelings. They need to be heard and understood. Instead of being busy figuring out how to solve their problems, men should show their acknowledgment vocally or through nodding and brief eye contact.
• Men talk to exchange information.
• Women talk to express feelings.
• Men need to be alone sometimes. Every now and then, especially when under stress, they need to retreat to their "cave" and do not want to be disturbed. Insisting on helping them before they are ready to emerge from the cave can feel like harassment.
• Women, under stress and in other times, like to seek out contact and make human connections.
• Naturally and cyclically, women's moods go though highs and lows.
• Men are often disconcerted by women's emotions.
• Women tend to use dramatic expressions such as "you ALWAYS forget" or "you NEVER listen to me." Men should not take those literally but sympathize with the sentiments they convey.
• Men and women, even when they speak the same words, may speak different languages.